I’m more comfortable helping than being helped. I’d rather do favors than ask for favors. There was a saying when I was growing up, “It’s better to give than to receive.” For some reason, I’d rather pay for what I get than ask for a boon. Maybe it’s a control thing, maybe I like my dream world, maybe I don’t want to face rejection, and maybe I have a heart of gold. Maybe God is a 3-toed sloth.
In Bali, I’m like a machine asking for help and guidance. The more involved in the culture I am, the more I need to know. For the most part, however, I don’t even try to understand anymore. Bali is truly and absolutely incomprehensible to an outsider. I basically need help and need to ask for it almost constantly. If I had a choice, I would avoid asking, but the consequences of doing something the wrong way can be devastating and long lasting.
